The Basics of Magic Paperclip Theory
by Murgerhurgerdur
Summary: Based on the famous and well proven M-P Theory created by Adam Amin, with a doctorate in Badassery, this fanfic combines many different animes. What happens when many anime characters end up in the wrong place and meet new characters? Mainly Hetalia and Bleach, with Death Note, Ouran, Fruits Basket, etc. Extreme Crack, Minor OOC-ness, no main pairing.
1. Introduction

INTRODUCTION

LOCATION: EVERYWHERE

Once upon a time, there was Anime. That was all there was, nothing else. Then, suddenly, Reality came to be. Anime was not discovered by Reality for a very long time, and it got lonely. Then Japan found a magical would be the start of a New Generation.

America later borrowed the paperclip, and lost it in a visit to Reality, but that is another story. This is the story of a girl, a human fangirl, and how she caused a huge problem for the Anime dimension. She had inherited the magic paperclip from her grandfather, a thief who had accidentally stolen it from America himself, who did not notice. The girl went through thirteen years of living without realizing that the little metal object was actually the key to life, the universe, and everything. (Of course, inscribed on the paperclip in miniscule letters was '42', but that's another story.)

So, one day, as she walked down the street, a thought strolled into her rarely frequented head: What if the paperclip could bring beings from Anime to Reality? And this is where our story actually starts.

She returned to her room and prepared various mystical items that hardly had anything to do with what would happen at all, but looked cool anyway. The girl began to chant:

"Doujins, yaoi, tsundere,

make this be a happy day.

Kawaii desu, shipping, SQUEE,

let the bishies rain on me!"

Of course, she had put the I 3 Yaoi pin a millimeter out of place, so instead of bringing her desired character, England, to reality, he suddenly traded places with Ishida, a Quincy from another part of Anime. And all of Anime went to hell in a handbasket.


	2. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

LOCATION : THE HETALIA UNIVERSE

Uryu Ishida did not know where he was. One moment he had been at home, eating mackerel miso stew, and a second later he was sprawling on the floor in an unfamiliar room.

There were four men in this room, all wearing somewhat antiquated clothing.

"This isn't England." said the blonde.

"You're right, aru."

"BURGERS!"

"Shut up, America."

Uryu became even more confused when these humans addressed each other as countries.

"COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHERE THE HELL I AM!?" yelled Uryu. He was usually quite rational, even while fighting crazed pink-haired creatures with tentacles, but this situation was beyond ridiculous.

"First tell me who you are," said the one who had been addressed as America, "And what have you done with Iggy!"

"Who?"

"Me?" asked a small voice hopefully, one that he hadn't noticed yet.

"No, not you, Canada. Obviously."

As the four (excluding Canada) men argued, the minutes passed. And as the minutes passed, Uryu's Despair Level was growing exponentially. Perhaps with a function of 42^x, with x representing the minutes since he had landed in the room. But, no matter how fascinating mathematical representations of emotions are, that is another story.

And so after about five minutes (when his Despair Level had reached 130,691,232) Uryu couldn't handle anything and went to sulk in a cozy little corner.

CHAPTER 1.5

LOCATION : THE BLEACH UNIVERSE

Arthur Kirkland, or England for short, was lying on a rather hard surface. When he opened his eyes, something he was in no hurry to do, he found three faces staring down at him.

"Where did Ishida-kun go?" asked a cute teenage girl with orange hair.

"No idea. We have to find him," said a boy, also with orange hair. Siblings, perhaps?

"Yes," said another boy, this one very tall.

"But who is this man? Why is he here, Kurosaki-kun?"

"Beats me. Let's leave bushy eyebrows and find Ishida."

"But... Kurosaki-kun..."

And so, the three of them walked away, leaving England. But the country could not stand it when people insulted his eyebrows. He needed revenge.

Now for a plan...


	3. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

LOCATION: SOME BAKERY IN THE ANIME UNIVERSE

"More cake please."

"...But, sir, that's our last cake."

"I'll pay for it. Give it to me."

"Okay..."

The girl behind the counter nervously took the last cake out from behind the glass and handed it to the hunched man.

"Thank you," said L.

"Hey! I wanted that!" yelled a petite blonde boy. He jumped up and grabbed the cake, kicking L in the process.

"NO! It's MINE!"

And so, a full fledged fight began. L a capoeira master, against Honey, a black belt in karate. As you can guess this was not going to end well. So the girl behind the counter escaped through the back door and got on the first flight to Fruits Basket. To her, it seemed like a happy and benign place full of cute guys who turn into animals. But that's another story. Here we are talking about the fight between two men with extreme sweet-tooths.

L grabbed the cake back from Honey. Honey roundhouse kicked L and the cake flew back to him. The detective punched the high schooler in the gut and retrieved the cake once again. Honey jumped towards L and...

SPLAT

"Look what you did!"

"Hey, I DIDN'T DO IT!"

They kept on arguing and arguing and arguing. Then L got an idea.

"I know how we can get cake."

"How?"

"Well, zero divided by zero is undefined. SO, if we define it, and define it as cake, we can get cake."

"You are a genius."

"For that I will give you an extra strawberry."

So L and Honey began their search for calculators. The first one they found was behind a counter.

"Are you ready?" he asked in as serious a tone as possible considering what they were about to do.

"Yes."

L slowly moved his finger towards the buttons on the calculator. He pressed the first 0. Then the division symbol. The second 0. And finally the =.

They waited.

And waited.

And then...

A piece of cake appeared on the ground in front of them.

Then another.

Then a seven-tiered wedding cake.

Unicorns and narwhals began to dance around the two men.

"We did it! We defined zero divided by zero!"

Little did they know that this had started something huge. 


	4. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

LOCATION: THE HETALIA UNIVERSE

Uryu was still sulking in the corner when the gray holes began to act up. It was hard to notice at first, some people might have seen a slight wavering in their vision. But then everything was about to drastically change.

The gray holes stopped sitting there and looking cool. When L and Honey had divided by zero to get cake, the perfectly balanced mass of the holes was destroyed. Cake is one of the key elements of gray holes, and without it they are unbalanced.

Uryu knew what was happening. At Karakura High School he had taken an in-depth course on M-P Theory. The teacher's name was Ella Barrett, who had written her PHD report on the Mergerhurgerdur Vortex. But that's another story.****

His first instinct was to save himself, to go hide in a bathroom stall, one of the few places immune to the pull of the gray holes. But somewhere, his Quincy Pride told him that he had to save these men.

One of them, the tall creepy one named Russia, was already 899/900 of the way into the gray hole. There was no way to save him.

"CHINA, I CHOOSE YOU!" yelled America.

"No!" yelled Uryu, but it was too late. China was gone. France was soon to follow.

So there was only one man left, America. He was about to be sucked into the gray hole when Uryu jumped on him and dragged him into the conveniently placed bathroom.

"We'll be safe here for a while. I hope."

"Are there burgers?"

"Maybe I shouldn't have saved you."


	5. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

LOCATION: THE BLEACH UNIVERSE

Kurosaki... that was the boy's name. That horrible boy who had the gall to insult the physical appearance of the proud nation of Great Britain. He would pay.

At that moment, a large group of rather odd looking people were walking by.

"That Kurosaki...I HATE HIM! I WILL KILL HIM DEAD!" yelled a blue-haired one.

"Yes, and we will destroy him. He is the only thing in the way of our glorious plan to assassinate the king!" said the man who seemed to be the leader.

Assassination? England was in way over his head. Speaking of heads, his hurt. A lot. He decided to go hide somewhere until something happened. And it had better be something important, because his head had not hurt this bad since...well, he couldn't remember, but it was probably some war.

England decided that he desperately needed some form of alcoholic beverage. He began to walk around Karakura town looking for a pub.

CHAPTER 4.5  
LOCATION: INSIDE THE GRAY HOLE

"It's dark."

"Shut up, France."

"Kolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkol."

"I'm scared."

"Huh? Who was that just now?"

"Canada..."

CHAPTER 4.75

LOCATION: EARTH, SOMEWHAT

In an alternate timeline, a mailbox is opened on December 21st to reveal a copy of SBURB. Later that day the world exploded. Along with the fangirl who started this fascinating saga.


	6. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

LOCATION: HETALIA UNIVERSE (THE BATHROOM)

For once, there were no hollows. That was one upside. Perhaps the only upside. This annoying man, 'America', had been driving Uryu Ishida insane for the past five hours. This was made even worse by the fact that they were together in a cramped stall, the only place on the planet that hadn't been sucked into the wayward gray holes.

America kept rambling on about burgers. Uryu sighed. He contemplated throwing him out of the stall, but that would be akin to murder, wouldn't it? His Quincy Pride would not allow him to do that.

Five minutes later (or at least it seemed to be five minutes), Uryu snapped. "To Reality with Quincy Pride!" he yelled, and threw America into the Murgerhurgerdur Vortex.

"Oh," he said quietly.

CHAPTER 5.5

LOCATION: THE BLEACH UNIVERSE

England liked scones. He liked them a lot. In fact, scones were his favorite food. So it was no surprise that he was going to bake them. But, apart from the fact that he liked scones, there was another reason why he was preparing them.

England was on cooking duty.

Cooking duty for who, you might ask.

Well, the answer might shock you.

England was cooking for Aizen's army.

Here's how it happened.

After he had gotten a refreshing drink at the Karakura Pub, England had begun to think. He then realized that those freakazoids who had just walked by had been talking about killing Kurosaki. That was one of England's priorities too, so he thought that it might be a good idea to join forces. After all, he could just ditch them before that whole "assassination" took place.

So England went to Aizen's recruiting office and filled in an application.

He was about to be accepted into the army when Gin noticed something essential.

"This guy's not an arrancar."

"Oh...Yeah...Hehe..." was Aizen's well planned reply.

Aaroniero got out a paper plate and stuck it to England's confused head with some duct tape. "See, good as new."  
"Okay, then," said Aizen. "You're now our head cook. Our past cook wasn't doing too good a job of it."

"Brill! I make some bloody good scones!"

"I'm not familiar with that term, but hopefully they'll be better than Szayel's 'Hollow Mask and Reishi Stew'".

And so, England ended up in the kitchen, paper plate still on his head, mixing up flour, sugar, and butter. Of course, the recipe included his "secret ingredient", but that's a secret.

He turned the oven up to 500° and closed it. An hour later he yelled out, "DINNER TIME!"

England distributed the charred masses. Aizen contemplated his for a few seconds and then took a bite.

He chewed a bit.

And some more.

And then...

First, Aizen stopped breathing. Then his face developed a bluish tint. Afterwards, Aizen's eyes rolled back into his head. He was dead. So were half of the Espada. The remaining five looked at England, fear in their eyes.

"What?" England said. "My scones are delicious!"

The espada simultaneously coughed and shook their heads. England stared at them obliviously. "You have no taste," he decided.

The arrancar facepalmed, walked away, and started a disco hall in the nearest gray hole. But that's another story.

In any case, now England was back in the same place as before: confused. But then someone familiar entered the room. And then the familiar person left when he saw the devastation that England had caused.


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

LOCATION: HETALIA UNIVERSE (WHICH IS PRETTY MUCH A BATHROOM STALL)

Uryu sat in the bathroom stall and sulked. He hadn't sulked this much since his grandfather died. Oh, well, no time like the present. He jumped into the vortex after America.

The young quincy had never felt anything like it. It was like being pulled apart and being pushed together at the same time.

He was falling in nothingness for a long, long time.

CHAPTER 7.5

LOCATION: THE BLEACH UNIVERSE

England decided to leave whatever universe he was in and go back home.. However, when he arrived at the travel agency, he was told that there were no more flights to Hetalia. It seemed it had disappeared.

Oh well, thought England. He could go somewhere else. England decided to go to Fruits Basket. To him, it seemed like a happy and benign place full of cute guys who turn into animals.  
The country bought a ticket and hopped into the wormhole. Or what he thought was a wormhole. It's dearest wish was to be a wormhole, in any case, but that's another story. It was a snail hole, otherwise known as an Adam-Sasha Bridge.

England was pulled in very quickly, but then everything began to slow down. He tried to move his hand to his face, but his arm didn't want to budge. The edges of his vision started to blur. It felt horrible. Like being pulled apart and pushed together at the same time.

Time passed.

Even more time passed.

If you can even call it passing. It barely moved at all.

England could not tell how long it had been. Seconds or centuries. He didn't know how far he had traveled either. Was the country even heading to Fruits Basket? Or would he end up in a horrible place like Highschool of the Dead?

A few hundred years later the universe continued existing. And England arrived in Fruits Basket.

Only a few days had passed in the actual worlds. The snail hole made your journey seem painfully long. England was pissed off.

Of course, after he realized he was in Fruits Basket, he felt a little better. Not much, but still.

He had landed in somebody's house. Three teenagers were staring at him. This seemed like deja vu.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?" yelled an orange-haired boy. A different orange-haired boy, but still a total jerk.

"Kyo-kun, don't yell at the creepy man who just landed in your house and disrupted your favorite TV show, he might be nice," said a girl.

The third teen just looked at England with a look of distaste.

This was not a good day for the proud nation of Great Britain.

"High school girls, high school girls, summer at the beach, cute little bikinis, oh so cu-"

Shigure, the resident pervert, stopped in his tracks when he saw the stranger. "Kids, who is this?"

"He's a man who just landed in your living room. I think he might be hurt." said Tohru.

England was having a really, really bad day. He felt like sulking in a corner, but this was not possible because the girl was dragging him to a room.

He was too tired to argue. Electromagnetism is very important... Oh wait, that's my school report. Oops. But that's another story.

England was plopped onto a futon. He was much too tired to stay awake after his horrible day.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8  
LOCATION: THE RANDOM BAKERY

"I'm stuffed!" moaned Honey.

"Me too. That was some mad good cake," L replied. "And the narwhals were awesome."

"So were the unicorns," countered Honey. "Weren't they cute?"

"Yeah," L replied. "But the narwhals were more awesome than the unicorns."

"They were not!" Honey shouted back at him.

"Were too!"

"Were not!"

"They are too, and you know it, I'm the professional here."

And so, a fight ensued. Again.

This time there was nobody left to flee the bakery, but the bakery itself was quaking in fear. However, that as well, is another story.

But, just as their fight was reaching a climax, a mysterious figure entered the room. Can you guess who it was?

No you can not.

Now, I know you are biting your fingernails in anticipation. But I'm not going to tell you in this chapter. Maybe next time.

Actually, never mind. It was Izaya! Fortunately, Shizuo was nowhere to be seen. Otherwise, we would have had two full-blown fights on our hands.


	9. Intermission

Now we will have a random part where we decide who from Durarara is which troll.

Shizuo would be Equius (cause he's STRONG!)  
Izaya would be Vriska (cause they both meddle with people)(meddle meddle meddle)  
Celty would be Kanaya  
Mikado would be Tavros  
Erika would be Nepeta  
Who would Kida be? Ummm... Gamzee? Or Karkat?  
The Orihara twins would be Sollux  
Could Anri be Aradia? They're both quietish and reddish? Yes.  
Hmmm... Who would be Eridan and Feferi? I don't know.  
Terezi... um...didn't we decide on Terezi at recess? I forget who, though. WAIT! SAKI COULD BE TEREZI! Saki? Kida's girlfriend? Yeah! If Kida is Karkat it makes sense, lots of people ship Karezi. Well, I think it makes sense because Terezi was blinded and Saki was hospitalized. Yeah, let's take that. Kida will be Karkat.  
And Mika could be Feferi? Yeah, that works. What about whats her face the doctor lady? Namie? Yeah. Who would she be? We ran out of girl trolls. And she's not eridan. who do we have left? eridan? gamzee? is that it? we can use the dancestors too. Oh yes! But then Mikado would be more of a John. no i mean the troll dancestors. like kankri and damara and latula and meulin and kurloz. OH! we could have kida be kurloz and saki be meulin! are you there? alice? curse you come back! whatever, bye.


	10. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9  
LOCATION: EARTH (OR WHAT IS LEFT OF IT ANYWAY)**

A cat crawled out of a small metal pot (non-stick to be exact) and meowed. She was in deep pain because when the earth exploded, a huge chunk of Ireland crashed into her. (Yes, this is when she fell into the pot.) She had seen her owner get ripped right in two. In fact, the whole human population was wiped out. (Some other species survived, but that is another story.) How lucky she was that the pot just happened to land on her! She, being the last cat in existence, was pregnant. She needed a safe place to have her kittens, and the only spot was in the pot. Her little piece of land was only a couple meters squared. Then she had an idea.

She could jump on all the other pieces of land near her. Maybe she could find a cozy house to sleep in. She peered over the edge. There was a little house that seemed to have not been affected by the splitting of the earth. She leaped over and... fell through. It was only an image. Suddenly she was falling towards a piece of land that would kill her if she hit it while gaining momentum. Instead, she fell swiftly into a wormhole and was whisked to...


	11. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10  
LOCATION: FRUITS BASKET UNIVERSE**

The cat tumbled out right into the arms of Canada. How she got there, no one will know because no one pays attention to Canada. The cat, quite flustered, and apparently able to speak, asked, "Who are you?"

At this Canada burst into tears. He'd had an extremely emotional day. "I'm Canadia..."

At that moment, England woke up. He left the house full of strange children and ventured outside. He ran up next to Shigure and kissed him. They spun in circles and kissed.

**CHAPTER 10.5  
LOCATION: THE MURGERHURGEDUR VORTEX**

America felt a slight tugging at his chest. "Wut?" he eloquently uttered. Suddenly his arm disappeared.

"WHAT!?" shrieked Uryu, about 3 octaves above his usual pitch.

America disappeared completely. His head was the last part to leave. Uryu Ishida was now alone in the Murgerhurgedur Vortex. Crap.

Now then, let me tell you about the Murgerhurgedur Vortex. It is dark. And cold. And there is only one way to get out.

That is...

The power of Love. With a capital L.

And so, when England spun around in circles kissing Shigure, America felt betrayed. Love drew him out of the vortex and crashing into the world of Furuba. Right where England and Shigure were lying in the grass holding hands.

"WHAT THE HELL YOU BLOODY GIT!?" yelled Britain when America landed on top of him. (Fanservice desu!)

"England?" asked America.

"AMERICA!?" shrieked England.

Shigure stared at them with a little smile on his face. There was a little jingle running through the dog man's head. It went like this:

"High school girls, High school girls, Vacation at the hot springs, Towels flying..."

England kicked his newly ex-boyfriend in the shins as he dove towards America and passionately kissed the country on the lips.

Tohru was watching. She had a camera. This was going viral.

Shigure joined her. He liked yaoi too. His favorite anime was Sekai Ichi Hatsukoi. But that's another story. Oh wait, no it's not.


End file.
